Die Triester Straße: Mehr Schein als Sein?

    
Die Triester Straße – unter Kaiser Karl dem VI. war sie eine der wichtigsten Verkehrsachsen der Monarchie. Von hier reiste man schließlich nach Triest, wo Österreich damals noch Meer und einen Hafen besaß – heute dient sie als alte Sehnsuchtsstraße in den Süden. Geschichtlich lässt sich einiges über die Triester Straße erzählen, schließlich entstanden hier schon früh Fabriken. Dadurch wurden Orte immer enger miteinander verbunden, vielen sind diese Abschnitte heute unter der Bezeichnung „B17“ bekannt. Doch wie viel Glanz und Gloria ist der Triester Straße geblieben?

Wo früher echte Pferdchen über die Süden-Urlaubsroute trabten, lassen sich heute Pferdestärken nur mehr unter den Hauben protziger Boliden beobachten und zählen. Die Triester Straße ist heutzutage ein hart umkämpftes Pflaster – eine Tankstelle drückt der nächsten den Zapfhahn in die Hand, ein zum Bersten voller McDonalds, undefinierbare Lustmacher-Bars, einige dunkle Bushaltestellen – davor dubiose Gestalten – und ein riesiger Baumarkt. Nicht unbedingt ein Augenschmaus und daher ein seriöser Kandidat im Wettstreit um einer der „schiachsten“ Plätze in Wien.

Im Sommer ein Magnet – mit Privileg.
Man fährt in den heißen Sommermonaten nicht einfach so auf die Triester-Straße. Denn getankt wird hier hauptsächlich:
Aufmerksamkeit und AdrenalinSehen und gesehen werden.
Man stelle sich an dieser Stelle eine aufgeheizte „The Fast and the Furious“-Szene vor. Nun streiche man die reizenden, halbnackten Püppchen, die gute R’n’B-aufgeladene Musik und die schönen, begehrten Autos. Warum? Im Triester-Straßen-Alltag sind diese Dinge eine unschätzbare Rarität. Der beste Glückstag dafür: Samstagabend.

Was erwartet dich an einem Triester-Samstag-Abend?
– wundervolle Stunden mit hoher Endorphin-Ausschüttung
– Pferdchen die wohlig unter den Hauben schlummern
– krasses Fahrgefühl – wie bei einem Rausch, ist man einmal oben, will man nicht runter
– eine potentielle „The Fast and The Furious“-Triester-Karriere schlägt sich zwar im Verkehrsstrafregister nieder, aber auch in den Herzen der Triester-Chicks – Berufsrisiko eben.
– man verringert vielleicht seine Lebensdauer, kompensiert dafür aber andere Dinge – die Frauen der Triester Straße lieben dich nicht mehr nur wegen deiner Persönlichkeit.
– besonders heißes Feature für laue Sommernächte: eine Cojones-Heizung – ja es zählen auch mal die inneren Werte!

Anhand der Ausstattung lassen sich gleich zwei häufig vertretene Triester-Typen unterscheiden:
Den Angeber, er unterstützt seine Schnecken-Checken-Auftritte mit einer fetten Bose-/Blaupunkt-Sound-Anlage bei heruntergelassenen Fenstern und dem baumelnden Arm aus dem Fenster wie ein Gangster.
Den Romantiker, er will mit dir eine DVD unter seinem Schiebedach-Sternenhimmel sehen, erwischt du ein Upgrade, dann darfst du das Ganze All-Inklusive am Kahlenberg erleben. Der erste Eindruck kann also entscheidend für den Verlauf des Abends sein.

Kann denn Leistung Sünde sein?
Wer zur Triester-Hautevolée gehören möchte, muss bestimmte Barrieren überwinden. Zuerst muss man einen schönen Platz an einer guten Tankstelle ergattern. Heiß beliebt ist hier die twenty-four-hours BP-Tankstelle stadtauswärts.
Wie gelingt das?

Das kommt natürlich, abgesehen vom Status, auch auf deinen Wagen an. Als Neuling hat man es oft schwerer, aber mit einem luxuriösen Sportwagen – 3er-, 5er-BMW oder alte A5, A8 und S3 reichen bereits – und gut gemimter Arroganz ist ein „Hot-Seat“ in der first row sicher. In den üblichen Fällen reicht meist ein halbwegs getuntes Forstinger-Auto, böse Rap-Musik, mindestens zwei mittelmäßig heiße Chicks und, wenn einem zu guter Letzt noch ein schmalziges „Eeeey Bruder“ über die Lippen frohlockt. Meistens siegt hier Freundlichkeit vor Arroganz.

Roadrunner: Erst ab 230km/h zieht er leicht nach rechts
Wer sich jetzt fragt, wo der Sinn dahinter steckt: Speedrennen.
Neben harten Kerlen, schwer überbasster Musik, vielen fröhlichen Akzenten, dem ADHS-Motorschnurren am Fließband und den üppig getunten Wagen, gibt es schließlich auch einen Ruf zu verlieren.
Ziel: In keine Schwerpunktaktion der Freunde und Helfer zu geraten.
Die Polizei nennt sie bereits liebevoll „Roadrunner“ – Spitzengeschwindigkeiten bis zu 130km/h lassen nicht nur Motoren aufheulen, sondern auch Führerscheine flattern. Das stets treue Motto: „Nicht nachdenken und auf kein Limit beschränken“ – hier fließt wahrlich Benzin durchs Blut. Wer dann doch erwischt wird – Hochmut kommt vor dem Fall.

Winterschlaf – eigentlich wollt’ ich heut die Welt erobern aber …
Wen bis jetzt das sommerliche Flair nicht abgeschreckt hat, sollte in den Wintermonaten unbedingt vorbeischauen. Die Triester Straße lässt sich während dieser kalten, trüben Jahreszeit kaum etwas Liebesvolles abgewinnen. Schlecht beleuchtete, zwielichtige Läden, fünf Baukräne die aus dem Boden sprießen und zeigen, dass noch mehr gläserne Zupflasterung erfolgt, ein nach wie vor zu greller Baumarkt und die leergefegten Tankstellen – jetzt wird tatsächlich nur schnell Mineralöl getankt.

Nur die Harten kommen in den Garten
Nur ganz wenige hartgesottene Kojoten waschen und reinigen mit Hingabe bei Sonnenuntergang und stolzen -9° ihren Wagen. Das sind allerdings die einzigen Schmankerln, welche die Triester Straße in dieser trostlosen und tristen Zeit zu bieten hat. Wer hier auf harte Drifting-Rudel pocht, wartet vergebens.

Mehr Triester-Flair muss her!
Ich habe mir also nicht den besten Zeitpunkt ausgesucht, um meine Triester-Karriere zu starten. Die eiskalten Temperaturen, die minimalen Sonnenstrahlen und der frisch vollgetankte A8 von Papi machen die Sache nun auch nicht besser.

Um 21h ist dann auch endgültig Zapfenstreich und dann findet selbst eine orientierungslose Studentin wie ich, kein einziges Anzeichen mehr dafür, dass hier ansonsten Autospaß ganz oben steht. Tote Hose. Nichts. Nada. Niente. Zwischen einigen hässlichen Renault-Twingos, einem Fiat-Multipla, zwei seltenen aber fetten Diplomatenboliden und zerbeulten Family-Pamperswagen gebe ich die Suche nach Mini-Winter-Rudelversammlungen auf und fahre anmutig zurück in den Süden, wie einst Karl VI.

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