Der ultimative U6-Überlebensguide

/957 Comments/in /by

Verabschiedet euch schon einmal von allen anderen Tipps & Tricks,
denn ihr werdet sie nicht mehr brauchen.

Viele Mythen und Erzählungen handeln von jenem Transportmittel,
welches viele Wiener täglich vom nördlichen zum südlichen Ende
der Stadt bringt. Die Rede ist dabei, wie könnte es anders sein, von der
Untergrundbahn Linie 6 (in weiterer Folge kurz U6 genannt.)
Ihre stark ansprechende Signalfarbe Ockerbraun lädt Menschen schon von
weitem zum Betreten ihrer insgesamt 24 Stationen ein. Die Fahrgäste legen
dort täglich ca. 9.700 km zurück, aber dennoch gilt diese Strecke im Volksmund
als eine der gefährlichsten der Welt.

Wenn ihr davon nicht eingeschüchtert seid, soll an dieser Stelle nun der ultimative
Überlebensguide für die U6 folgen.

#1 – Fahre nicht mit der U6
Der naheliegendste und doch einfachste Tipp: Wenn es sich vermeiden lässt,
dann nimm alles, nur nicht die U6.
Frage dich immer: „Bin ich mir wirklich sicher, dass es keine Alternative gibt?“
Gibt es einen Fußweg, der dich z.B. die Reisedauer von Floridsdorf zur Währinger Straße
ebenso in 20 Minuten bewältigen lässt oder ein Auto, welches nicht im Stau
stehen bleibt und mit Sicherheit einen Parkplatz in der Innenstadt findet?
Falls nicht, tut es mir sehr leid, denn dann heißt die Lösung wohl doch U6.

 

#2 – Meide die Rush Hour
Spätestens jetzt sollte man erkannt haben, dass es doch nicht so einfach ist, auf die U6 als Transportmittel zu verzichten. Ganz besonders dann nicht, wenn man im Nordosten von Wien wohnt und täglich in die Stadt pendeln muss.
Wenn ihr nun versucht, einen Zug der Linie U6 zu erwischen, würde ich euch empfehlen, dies nicht gerade in der Hauptverkehrszeit, insbesondere von 6 bis 9 Uhr sowie von 16 bis 18 Uhr, zu versuchen. Es sei denn, ihr seid dazu bereit euch für die Dauer der Reise als Einzelperson aufzugeben und einem größeren, spirituellen Kollektiv anzuschließen.

Übrigens sollte man zunächst versuchen, jene Menschen aussteigen zu lassen, welche den Zug verlassen wollen, was unter Umständen mehr Platz im Innenraum schaffen könnte.
Trotz dieser Problematik, die sich hin und wieder ergibt, kann man froh sein, dass man in Wien noch kein „Passagieranordnungspersonal“ (jap. Oshiya), welches beim Befüllen und Entleeren des Abteils zur Hand geht, benötigt.
Falls es dennoch einmal zu eng werden sollte, kann man auch auf den nächsten Zug warten, welcher üblicherweise in den folgenden Minuten die Station erreicht, denn es handelte sich beim vorangegangenen wahrscheinlich nicht um den letzten Zug des Tages.

#3 – Top 3 Songs über Züge
Wenn ihr nicht zu jenen Menschen gehört, die sehr gerne, sehr schnell offen und gesprächig gegenüber einer großen Anzahl von Personen auftreten und ihr lieber bei den Fahrten in der U6 eure Ruhe haben möchtet, so soll doch zumindest die Musik, die ihr hört, besser sein, als die Gerüche, die man in den Zügen wahrnehmen kann.

ad 1) Wenn es eine Instanz gibt, die einen Fahrgast zum Kauf von Fahrkarten bewegen kann, dann ist es wohl Dr. Kurt Ostbahn, ebenfalls bekannt als Willi Resetarits.
„Wo hamma denn den Foarschein?“, eine ironisch vertonte Charakterstudie zum Berufsbild des Fahrkartenkontrolleurs. Hat man keinen Fahrschein für die U6, bleibt ja immer noch die Möglichkeit, mit dem „Radl nach Rio“ zu fahren.

ad 2) Selten schafft es ein Lied, die gemeinsame Sehnsucht von Stadtkind und Landkind so auf den Punkt zu bringen, wie „Don’t stop believin’“ von Journey, nämlich die nötige Fahrt mit dem Mitternachtszug, um die eigene Destination zu verlassen.

ad 3) Auch bei „Downbound Train“ spielt, wie schon im Titel zu erkennen ist, ein Zug, hierbei jedoch die Eisenbahn, eine wichtige Rolle. In diesem Song wird das Reisen mit dem Zug als ein Sinnbild für fehlende Zugehörigkeit dargestellt. Aber es ist auch jenes Fortbewegungsmittel, das die Frau des Erzählers benutzt, um nach der Trennung abzureisen.

#4 Schönheit liegt im Auge des Betrachters
Es ist ein sonniger Tag in der Bundeshauptstadt Wien. Die Außentemperatur beträgt 35 Grad, für Marcus S. steht eine längere Fahrt mit der U-Bahn bevor. Anders als erwartet ist es im Waggon angenehm kühl, alle anderen Mitmenschen wirken überaus freundlich und in der Luft liegt ein angenehmer Duft. Der Zug fährt ab, nachdem ein letztes Warnsignal abgegeben wurde.
Was Marcus S. nicht bedacht hat: Das ist nicht irgendeine Bahnlinie, sondern die U6.

An manchen Tagen mag es einem beim Betreten eines Zuges der U6 vielleicht wirklich so vorkommen, wie wenn man tatsächlich in die Twilight Zone reist. Jener Ort war Schauplatz einer Fernsehserie, welche Ende der 1950er von Rod Serling entwickelt wurde, der auch als Erzähler dieser fungierte. Inhalt der Serie, welche später zwei Mal neu aufgelegt wurde, waren ca. 25-minütige Episoden, die fantastische sowie schaurige Geschichten wiedergaben, welche am Ende einen meist ironischen oder sarkastischen Plot-Twist enthielten. Ein weiteres Merkmal dieser Serie war der eben schon genannte Erzähler, welcher mittels Einführungsmonolog die Figuren bzw. Handlung vorstellte und mit einem Endmonolog, der zumeist eine „Moral“ enthielt, die Episode abschloss.

Es mag schon der Wahrheit entsprechen, dass nicht jede Fahrt mit der U6 jener Reise gleicht, die die Hauptfigur in „A Stop in Willoughby“ mit dem Zug tätigt, nämlich die Flucht aus einem hektischen Leben in eine fantastische Traumwelt der Ruhe, die am Ende eine tragische Wendung nimmt. Dennoch ist es sicherlich auch so, dass keine Gremlins an der Außenseite der Zugwaggons warten, denn dies ist anscheinend nur Flugzeugen vorbehalten, wie die Folge „Nightmare at 20,000 Feet“ zeigt. Schlussendlich lehrt die Folge „Eye of the Beholder“, die eine Parallelgesellschaft mit verzerrten Schönheitsidealen zeigt, dass Schönheit im Auge des Betrachters liegt.
Fährt man die U6 entlang, so gibt es, neben den ungewünschten Gerüchen oder oftmals unsauberen Waggons, auch positive Eindrücke. Es reicht schon, dass man aus dem Fenster blickt. So gibt es an der Strecke u.a. die Donauinsel sowie das Gebäude der Müllverbrennungsanlage Spittelau, das von Friedensreich Hundertwasser entworfen wurde, zu sehen.

#5 May the Force be with you
Falls es wirklich keinen Ausweg mehr geben sollte, all die bisherigen Tipps nichts gebracht haben und du endlich wieder aus der U6 raus möchtest, dann bleibt nur noch ein Tipp übrig: Habe keine Angst davor, die Macht einzusetzen!
Die Macht (engl. Force), ein spirituelles Konzept, welches in der von George Lucas entworfenen Star-Wars-Saga von Jedi und Sith verwendet wird, kann einem nicht nur in weit entfernten Galaxien den Tag retten, sondern ebenso bei Fahrten mit der U-Bahn. Damit es funktioniert, muss man jedoch stark davon überzeugt sein, dass zum Beispiele Dinge mit Hilfe der Macht zu bewegen sind, um somit Türen zu öffnen. Schon Jedi-Meister Yoda sagte zu Luke Skywalker: „Tun oder nicht tun. Es gibt kein Versuchen.“

Wenn man sich all diese Tipps zu Herzen nimmt, kann eigentlich gar nichts mehr schiefgehen. Eine Zugfahrt mit der U6 ist nun ein Kinderspiel und beim Verlassen der U-Bahn fühlt man sich unter Umständen wie ein komplett anderer Mensch.

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